On Love and Marriage

I am married now, for the first time, at 43 years of age. John and I were married on Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 at 1:00 p.m... On Monday, we got our rings, just simple, white gold bands. Tuesday, we went downtown and got the marriage license. Then, on Wednesday afternoon we drove across town to a minister with a small chapel in his home. In reality, it was a short, simple ceremony with just my two kids as the witnesses. My son took a few pictures and in less than 45 minutes it was done. Emotionally, it was a huge, life altering occasion.

Having remained single all these years, mostly by choice, I didn't really think about how it might affect me. In my mind, I was only applying a legal aspect to an existing 7 year relationship. However, the closer we got to getting married, the more eager and excited I became. But, the real shocker came while standing there in front of the minister. Listening to the words, not only did I hear the definition of marriage, but I felt it. I had a moment of clarity, where I understood that loving and committing are completely separate and that they don't necessarily go together automatically. And I’ll be darned if I didn’t start crying. With tears running down my face, I repeated my vows, relieved that John still loved me and wanted to marry me, even after having lived with me for so long.

I’ve thought about my reaction a lot during the past week. I realized, that based on most of the relationships I had seen growing up, I had come to think of marriage as a trap: a legal binding that was difficult and expensive to get out of. Now, knowing I love him more than ever and knowing he loves me, I realize that marriage is a promise; a promise to love, a promise to help and a promise to be there. I know that promises do get broken. But if given sincerely, one will try their hardest to keep it before giving up. I also know that I pushed John to his limits by continually putting this marriage off. I regret that, and sincerely apologize. The following poem is for him.

ANY GIVEN NIGHT

On any given night, I can guarantee
That when I come through the door
You’ll be waiting there for me
Whether you are reading, or watching
That TV
I know that you will be there,
My one reality
Our heartfelt love, we both agree
Will always last forever
This truth known, a source of beauty
Never makes it feel like duty
And with these cluttered days
Full of life’s debris
Your love lifts me up
Like a sun warmed sea
On any given night, feel the certainty
Of gentle love returned to you
Multiplied by three
Count on the security
Of our lives together
Knowing that we’re free
In a love of high degree